National Safe Schools Framework for Parents

Managing your feelings

It is normal to sometimes worry whether your child is happy at school.

If you are concerned that your child is at risk of being bullied or harassed, the way in which you manage these feelings gives your child a key message about how they can then manage theirs.

You can help your child by remaining calm and rational rather than reacting angrily and becoming overly emotional.

Your child:

• will be more likely to learn how to keep things in perspective, calm themselves down and approach problems in a rational and more successful way
• will learn to trust you and be more likely to talk to you about things that worry them over time as they know you won’t overreact or take actions that might make a situation worse for them
• when trying to solve personal problems in the future, will be less likely to behave in angry, impulsive or aggressive ways that may place them at risk or may rebound on them.

The use of self-calming self-talk can be helpful in managing your own strong feelings.

This is different from using wind-up self-talk that can make you feel worse and more likely to make things worse.

Here are two examples.

1. Self-calming self-talk: ‘I need to stay calm so I can work with my child to find the best way to deal with what has happened.’
2. Wind-up self-talk: ‘I won’t stand for anyone talking to my child like that! I’ll make sure they stop no matter what it takes.’

If your partner is also upset, help them stay calm by reminding them that together you will find a better way to manage the situation, if you both stay calm and focused on the best course of action to support your child.